I don't live in Disneyland

Saturday I stayed awake until the sun came up. And not just a little peekaboo up, but until the sun was in it's early morning glory up, when it's almost too bright to fall asleep. The last time I went to bed that late I was 17. Not that there's any issue with raging til sunrise, I just always get kind of panicked when I'm up late enough to watch the sun fall and rise. The moment I see light in the morning some alarm starts whaling in my head that screams BEDTIME BEDTIME. I feel the need to drop whatever task or conversation I'm in the middle of and find the nearest sleeping spot. Like the sirens in Germany sounding for jews, I have to find my cupboard quickly. And once I do it's strictly sleeping. No hanky panky, no pillow talk, no last cigarette. When the sun rises, the bullshit flies out the window.

And so, like a swift swan i flew back to my nest and slept all day Saturday. And when I woke up I had no desire to be around people. You know that feeling, when you're so overbombarded by adventure and good feeling that you feel unmotivated to be around people again. Like, "hey man, last night's fix was enough, i don't wanna become an addict." It's that same attitude that keeps me from ever living downtown. If I lived downtown I don't think I'd enjoy it as much as I do now. It's a nice haven to explore whenever I'm bored or lonely, but if I lived in the center hub of social networking downtown I probably wouldn't think it was fun anymore. I mean. If I lived in Disneyland I probably wouldn't like it that much.

grrr

high expectations, low approval rate.

i'm bored at work and missing tyler. sometimes i miss him a lot, and today is one of those sometimes. i'm listening to this will destroy you right now, SOOOOO Portland. But seriously, as cliche as it sounds, i think listening to this kind of music always makes somebody miss someone else, or something else. this kind of music is what movie soundtracks are made of, what tears are made of. it's like a group of 4 nerds got together and decided they wanted to make the kind of music you listen to the night before you die; and by creating these haunting echoes and looped guitar melodies, they chanelled every human emotion on earth and manipulated them into some death conquering song.

this music makes me feel like i can win an olympic gold, or beat cancer.
this music makes heroes come alive.

frustration fuck you's:

fuck you costco for discontinuing 100 percent, genuine maple syrup.
fuck you highschool hooligans, for littering in my yard afterschool.
fuck you american christian church for making me feel like a shitty person and thinking you are better than everyone.
fuck you george w. bush for creating a worthless war
fuck you barack obama for a 4 year-long black history month
fuck you shitty tattoo artist who made me look like an asshole.
and
fuck the police.

Cleaning Up

I'm settling back into the American way, getting used to housing made of brick instead of sheets of metal.
I really miss Africa lately.
I miss the kids and the weather. Winter weather is putting my body into shock.
But Kenya, that's vacation weather year-round.
It's so beautiful in Kenya, everything's bigger there. Even the animals are bigger. The birds are the size of humans, and they talk just like regular people!

Right now Jessie's living with me in my one-bedroom duplex until she's back on her feet. She escaped Long Beach last week after a short experiment with living there. It's nice to have the company, but the space makes me feel like we're married. I don't know how I feel about marriage after this. If I get married we need to have a really big house because I don't want to be around you all day long. Get out of my face!